Pipe and slippers: With Nimue Brown
Good evening and welcome to my awe-inspiring aethenaeum of praiseworthy pamphlets…or as some ridiculous personages have dubbed it – my lovely library.
I am Perilous Wight and here in the bowels of the city of Lancaster, in the disused tunnels of an underground train system that never was, I have made it my mission to collect every book that our self-proclaimed ‘supreme ruler f the universe’ and his mincing minions have banned from the bookshelves of The New World.
But this is not a ‘lending library’; if you have wandered in here on the ill-advice of a ludicrous Tea Fiend and their rampant octopus, let me assure you that you will find no frivolous fancies or biscuit-based buffoonery here. Here there is only the dark and the damp, the flickering of candlelight and the ceaseless toil of a man who did not re-animate from the dead to be pestered by people wanting bedtime stories!
But wait…what’s that you say? Late Bottled Vintage Port? Ten years eh?…. well, yes perhaps it is about time I put my feet up for a while, pipe and slippers and a little drop of something to fight off the chill. And I suppose I could read a very little something,
like this splendid piece of flash fiction, by steampunk author and druid, Nimue Brown …
TAKING IT EASY
by Nimue Brown
After the divorce and the late onset midlife crisis, Dave married a much younger woman. He just wanted life to be fun. And easy.
The much younger woman wanted a child. This had not been mentioned pre-marriage, which he wasn’t best pleased about. There were rows, and Dave soon felt that a second divorce would be more unpleasant than humouring her. After all, if she wanted a child so much, she would look after it.
Aged five, Dave’s high maintenance son set his spoiled little heart on a puppy. After a week of tantrums, Dave decided that a puppy might be less trouble than the endless howling. And anyway, if the lad wanted it, the lad could look after it.
Sometimes, while walking the dog in the rain at six in the morning so as to be back in good time for the school run…. Dave wonders if he should have gone for the motorbike instead.
And if you would like to read more of Nimue’s marvellous work you can find her on the aether-web here:
There now, marvellous piece isn’t it? One of my favourites in fact… But as I said, this is not some nursery bedtime story hour I am running here! You can tell that miscreant octopus, when you see him, to stop sending people down here to bother me with their reading requests I have serious work to be getting on with. Now go on, out with you, shoo, no I don’t care if there is a curfew and you are worried about getting eaten by Carnivorous Liver Birds, you should have thought of that earlier. Good night.
Oh, er, leave the bottle though….