#FridayFilk: Banned From Hogwarts

What the hell, it’s cold outside, the days are dark here so I thought I’d bring back the old Friday Filk posts for a while – a series of silly songs perfect for getting you kicked out of your local pub, library, place of worship or geography lesson. Mostly old stuff, just for a laugh, but maybe some new things will raise their heads as well, let’s see.

Not sure what Filk is? Well, thanks to a typo in a magazine waaaaaayyyyyy back, ‘Filk Music’ is the folk music of the geek community. Legend has it that it started at a con with WGGL (We’re Going to Get Lynched for doing this!) and now has spread world wide. There are many respected Filk artists from Leslie Fish and Heather Alexander to Not Literally and Random Encounters.

 

You know Leslie Fish’s Banned From Argo? Of course you do. If you don’t, it’s here:

 

So, here’s my HP version 😉

 

Banned from Hogwarts

 

When we pulled into Hogsmead station on the red express 

Bushy tailed and bright eyed in our robes dressed to impress

We had high expectations of the things we would achieve

But poor Hogwarts was not prepared for wizards such as we 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one 

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore 

 

We are the Weasley twins there is no trick that we won’t try

To make filch pull his hair out or to make old Umbridge cry

Our skiving snacks, of which we’re proud, are famed throughout the school

And with our fireworks as well we’ve flouted every rule 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one 

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore 

 

We’ve fought snakes, spiders, trolls, dragons and we think we’re pretty cool

There’s not a rule together we’ve not broken in this school

We crashed a flying car into an ancient willow tree

And there’s no point in doing homework coz we’ve got Hermione

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one 

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore 

 

I really cannot see that I have done anything wrong

Alright I served the dark lord, but it wasn’t for that long

I may have let a few death eaters in through a secret door

And set a few classrooms ablaze and threatened Dumbledore

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one 

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore 

I really didn’t think that it would end this way it’s true 

I think the trouble all began the day I started SPEW 

And then I formed a secret army to defeat the ministry

Now I’m on the run stuck in a tent with Ron and Harry 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one 

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore 

 

It’s Remus’ fault if he’d not been a werewolf we would not

Have become animagi all and added to this plot

Although we always would have made Snape’s life a misery

And showed the world his underpants so James could have Lilly 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one 

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore 

 

My name is Tom but I prefer The Dark Lord, that’s more cool

You amateurs can’t match the things that I’ve done in this school

Killed mudbloods with a basilisk, let it out through a porthole

And murdered to make horcruxes and become immortal 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one 

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore