Morning Cuppa Review: I Wore Heels To The Apocalypse! by C H Clepitt
Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen!
Welcome back (goodness, hasn’t it ben too long?) to Max and Collin’s drop dead delectable parlour located within the splendidly scenic city of Steampunk’d Lancaster!
True, some have called it a ghastly garret haunted by fiendish ghouls and black hearted demons, but we consider that such people are merely embittered that they have not yet received an invitation 😉
You find us this morning, quaking to the core because we are certain we heard the mournful cry of the first flesh eating Liver Birds rising from their long summer sleep and we are now trying to pluck up the courage to ask our terrifying landlord if he might not possibly, very sweetly, consider replacing our sack cloth roof for something more substantial…
I did actually mention to my Very Quiet Gentleman Friend earlier that Mrs Baker -our stoic kitchen witch – is re-kindling the light in the old watchtower again this year and, in fact, she has drafted in a marvellous array of friends from various other dimensions to help her… and they are all bringing a magnificent array of weapons with them… and wouldn’t it perhaps be prudent to offer to assist in the venture ourselves – surely the old watchtower will be a much safer place to haul-up in than this miserable rotting old fish factory?
I mentioned all this to Max, and yet Max remains unmoved. In fact he has remained unmoved for the better part of the last three hours and I suspect that he has actually fallen asleep.
So let us leave him snoring there for a while and contemplate the matter over a nice cup of tea and a good book…
Our tea this melodramatic morning is Re-animator by Tenatious Tea
And our book is ‘I Wore Heels to the Apocalypse’ by C H Clepitt – and I must be perfectly Frank (one of the many people I am when I am not Collin The Octopus) and say that we have been meaning to review this book for so long it has become something of a scandal (blushes as only an octopus in a top hat can)
We read it a couple of years ago and it was such a delight that we got quite over-excited and weepy and read the sequel and then got all over-excited and weepy again and then the world exploded and our puppet mistress sailed away in a pea green boat with a Spoonwalker and got lost on an island with some Necromancers and Max died and was resurrected as a skeleton princess…. and, well, long story short, we have quite a long list of books which we have been meaning to review and haven’t yet and this is one of them…
So without further ado…
Heels is a heart-warming, hilarious, wondrously witty and splendiferously satirical romp through a marvellously imagined apocalyptic nightmare.
We follow Kerry (who, for all the fact that she is, indeed, in heels and feels utterly unprepared and ill equipped to cope with the end of the world, is actually an utterly awesome action hero in her own very engaging and adorable way) and her band of misfit-heroes who each have their own esoteric, bizarre and completely fabulous skill-banks for navigating the apocalypse.
Best of all – it has a talking badger. We will say no more. That alone should be enough.
( FMI : @BadgersTweetToo )
We laughed out loud from start to end. There is enormous heart and insurmountable wit within this treasure trove and a wicked golden-glint of mischief running like a magic thread throughout its pages – a perfect antidote to the gloom and doom that seems to have seized the world in its iron grip of late!
So, the question is, friends, what would you wear to the apocalypse? Because if those screeches really are Liver Birds out there – and if the rumours of a new wave of Mancunian sugar zombies are true, that could be a very important question! I hope that by the time it is all over I can merrily type #IWoreHeels with a flourish, but I have yet to find eight matching pairs to fit my tentacles, you see? Ah well.
Perhaps we will pluck up the courage to join the intrepid band of authors, artists and other creatives who are fending off the monsters over at the watch tower this month… then again perhaps we won’t… but if you are feeling brave (or stupid) and would like to throw in your oar with that crazy lot, do give Penny a shout at firstname.lastname@example.org we’re certain they can use all the able bodies they can get (always good to have extra bodies to throw at zombies; helps to distract them, you know?)
We wish you a divinely dark and marvellously magical afternoon, and until we meet again, please be always