Steampunk fiction, reviews and interviews

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Frost Fair: With Nimue Brown

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Goblin market, come buy, come buy!

Good Morning! Welcome to the Annual Lancastrian Frost Fair on the frozen River Lune! I’m Nimue Brown and I have shivered my way through many a real world stall and event, usually for the purposes of promoting Hopeless, Maine. For this Fair I find myself wearing all of my bloomers and knickerbockers under all of the woolly things I could tie round myself, so you may be forgiven for mistaking me for some kind of sofa.

The Goblin Market goes out to events around Stroud (where I live) and tempts people with illicit and dangerous fruit – namely art and poetry, and other books. Sometimes you’ll find me at Steampunk events, huddled under a Hopeless Maine banner with other reprobates – Tom Brown who is responsible for the art side of things, sometimes Keith Healing who wrote the Hopeless Maine Role Play Game and on occasion, Keith Errington who wrote Hopeless Maine novella, The Oddatsea.

As Hopeless Maine is a cold, foggy and imaginary island off the coast of Maine, dressing for a wintery apocalypse is always authentic. Sometimes, in chilly desperation, I have gone so far as to wear an octopus on my head. A woolly one, I hasten to add. I would not expose a live octopus in so dreadful a way!

If you’d like to buy our lovely things, develop an addiction and never quite get over it (we are a Goblin market after all) you can do so without getting frostbite in your fingers, either via Etsy – https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/MothFestival

Or by starting over here – https://hopelessvendetta.wordpress.com/buy-the-books-and-things/

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Frost Fair: With Stephen Palmer

S Palmer Factory Girl Penny

Good morrow, and well met! Welcome to the Annual Lancastrian Frost Fair on the frozen River Lune.

My name is Stephen Palmer and I write alternate history novels with a heady steampunk flavour. Sit down if you will… You can see my novels displayed here for your perusal, please feel free to browse at your leisure.

My work ranges from Tommy Catkins in the Great War, back through the Edwardian era in the clockwork, steampunk Factory Girl trilogy and The Conscientious Objector, to the surreal Dodgson-esque Hairy London, which ranges from Victorian times to WW1…

Enjoy! Be mystified! Then enjoy once more! 

S Palmer, Tommy Catkins

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tommy-Catkins-Stephen-Palmer/dp/0995752265/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=tommy+catkins&qid=1572459244&s=books&sr=1-1

S Palmer Factory Girl Penny

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Girl-Two-Souls-Factory-Trilogy/dp/1539980529/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Girl-One-Friend-Factory-Trilogy/dp/1539980553/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Girl-No-Soul-Factory-Trilogy/dp/1539980588/ref=bseries_lb_1539980588

S Palmer, TCO

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Conscientious-Objector-Stephen-Palmer-ebook/dp/B082T1QZNY/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+conscientious+objector&qid=1580203719&s=books&sr=1-1

S Palmer, Hairy London

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hairy-London-Stephen-Palmer/dp/1495995224/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

 

But wait just one heartbeat before you skate away. In these days of social media there are links to be had – fine links! And here they are for you…

 

https://stephenpalmersf.wordpress.com/

 

https://www.sffchronicles.com/forum/stephen-palmer/

 

https://vimeo.com/stephenpalmer

 


Frost Fair: Collin’s Memoirs part 3…

Thankyou, friends, for joining me this morning on board the Harlequin Ladybird, do pull up a cat.. er, sorry, I mean a cushion… and make yourselves comfortable as I, Collin The Octopus, read to you all from my marvellous journal of extremely exciting adventures… a-hem…

February 1824

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen! You find us some what in haste this tea time as we are getting ourselves all dressed to impress and not just for larks or some nefarious landord’s scheme to make money, no, this time we actually do have somewhere swish to go!
Courtly Masques have been a traditional part of New Year celebrations here in The New World for centuries and the public version The Street Pageant is something that accompanies the Frost Fair here in Lancaster every year.

Some of the most outstanding lunatics, parlour-poets, tea fiends and self proclaimed ‘artists’, in the full intensity of their creative insanity, have devoted themselves to producing these Pageants (despite the earnest efforts of various New World Puritans to abolish them) and the infamous Garish Theatre producer Joyce Jameson recently proclaimed it to be “the highest art form in The Scattered Isles.”

To give the balance however we should  also quote journalist Pomona Squash of the Tiffindependent Newspaper whose scathing review of last years’ revels read:

“The entertainment went forward, and most of the presenters went backward, or fell down, wine did so occupy their upper chambers. The actress playing the Queen tripped over the steps of the throne, sending her gifts flying; Hope and Faith were too drunk to speak a word, while Peace, annoyed at finding her way to the throne blocked, made good use of her symbolic olive branches to slap anyone who was in her way” (click here to tut at our rampant quote theft)

So that is where we abscond to this evening, to paint the town of Lancaster (revolutionary) red and utterly get away with it because we shall be masked up and totally unrecognisable… we hope…
We wish you all an equally jubilant evening and we will let you know how we got on on Monday so, until then, please throw on a mask be whoever the Hull you wish (for one night at least!)

 

Hm, yes I remember those pageant nights getting somewhat out of hand… in fact (voices hushed please) perhaps this extract wasn’t such a good one to have been reading out loud at all – Max once spent some time in Lancaster Castle prison, rather beaten up and waiting to be hanged (whether or not they managed to hang him in the end I really couldn’t say, he has an annoying knack of defeating death which really makes me wonder if he isn’t some sort of demon afterall…)

Ah but I digress; the point is he had some sort of delirious vision while he was there about a Cheese Ball… or a Cheese Masque… or some such nonsense, (I believe some nefarious conspirator from the island of Hopeless, Mainementioning no names – slipped him a hairy coffee at visiting hour) and it would be well not to set him off on a blasted recital of the Mostly Awful Poem he wrote about the…

Sunken Hull Max! Are you trying to frighten the life out of us sneaking around like that? …. no nobody mentioned cheese, or Masques, or indeed anything of the kind and we certainly have not got time for… will you get down off the table… oh dear, it seems there is no dissuading the wretch, cover your ears or run good people – preserve your sanity!

 

HISTORY IS MADE AS MAX SPEAKS TO THE ROOM AT LARGE RATHER THAN JUST COLLIN FOR THE SECOND TIME IN PARLOUR HISTORY…

 

Friends, Tea Fiends, Revolutionaries, Poets, Painters, Hex Slingers, Technomancers, Goddess Worshippers, and Octopussies, I humbly (sort of  I mean, one can’t be too humble with a face like this -wink- ) present to you all …

“En Route To The Fromagian Ball”
(A Political Poem Of The Mor Irate Revolution By Eightcups Max)

As I waited for the Tyburn Tree
To spread its limbs and welcome me
To its embrace eternally
I dreamed I journeyed long, to thee
(To dance The Masque at Caerphilly)

I met Morbier on the way
He wore a masque of silver grey
Very smooth he looked, yet grim
And seven rats did follow him

Fat they were, and no surprise
For, despite his mournful sighs,
And as I feasted with my eyes
Yet they with sharp teeth took their prize.

Next came Roqufort and he had on,
All speckled with viridian,
A gown so tattered, holed and frayed
I wondered not he looked dismayed

“Can you sir, really, thus arrayed,
Be going to the masquerade
To dance at Caerphilly?”

And the little cats, who round his feet
Did lip and lap and even eat
The scroobius crumbs which from him fell
And each grew fat and fine and well

Clothed with Her Majesty’s revenues bright
Glittering gold through the grim twilight
Mild Camembert, smiling, sauntered by
And by her side, strode Manouri

And my heart sank to see the sly
Reflections in each gleaming eye
Of all the host that by me strayed
Towards the marvellous masquerade
To dance at Caerphilly.

A mighty troupe of cheeses round
And as they rolled they shook the ground
Waving each a blunt hooked knife
And in their wake came grief and strife

And yet with glorious triumph they
Rode through The Scattered Isles so gay
Drunk as with intoxication
Upon the wine of unfair taxation

Through Crumbia, past The Once Was Sea
Caroused the pageant, fat and free
Pounding flat and crushing down
Each village, hamlett, temple, town
Until they came to Caerphilly

And each guest of that monstrous ball
Did gasp and gape and stand in thrall
As tearing down their revelry
The fromagian host advanced with glee

And, to my horror, out there came
To meet the host and so to claim
Their glory, friends and family
All singing odes to Sbrinz and Brie

“Oh we have waited, hungering
For the mighty curd-coming”
And on their knees each one bent down
And for each cheese, proffered a crown

Then each took fork and knife and spoon
And there below the blood red moon
They rat-like, cat-like all did feast
And, eating so, became the beast

And wild, rapacious was the eye
Of every one who passed me by
Behind each masque that greeted me
As I came to Caerphilly
But as I felt myself besieged
By comrades now themselves in league
With lovers lost and rampant cheese
As gazing, lost, at all my foes
A vapour from my teacup rose

Faint and fragile as the dew
All silver grey the image grew
This Maiden, mailed, before me stood
With spork blade bright and shimmering hood

My Lady, Silverneedle, stands
Her teapot held in mighty hands
And above the roar of cheese
Her voice rings o’re the land and seas:

“Sions of Ire, scions of glory
Heroes of unwritten story
Suplings of one mighty pot
Rise and slice the Gordion knot”

“Rise like Silver Needle’s steam
Swift and to fulfil the dream
In the heart of every slave
The late of birth, the late in grave.
The dream of every treacle miner
No notion simpler or sublimer”

“Rise as one to take with might
The final bag of flour, white,
For you are many, they are few
And all they gorged was meant for you!”

With step as soft as wind she passed
O’re my head so swift and fast
And though I sought to find her there
Still all I saw was empty air.

But lingering in the morning grey
Some muse stirred in my memory
The scent of bergamots’ faint leaves
Which soothed my soul to thoughts of thee

As I waited for the Tyburn Tree
To spread its limbs and welcome me
To its embrace eternally
Still in my dream I danced with thee
(We danced The Masque at Caerphilly)


#RainbowSnippets: Curious Adventures

Happy Saturday! And Happy Valentines / Galentines weekend! For us here in Steampunk’d Lancaster it is still the annual frost fair, and if you’d like to grab a promo slot there is still time to show of your wares with a guest post, just click the submissions tab above and scroll down for the frost fair template I’ll be squeezing in as many as I can before the end of Feb 🙂 x

Here’s my #RainbowSnippets post for this week – if you’re new to this, Rainbow Snippets is a chance to read and share 6 sentences of LGBTQIA+ fiction every Saturday. There’s a huge variety from Steampunk, like mine, to Romance, Fantasy, Paranormal, Comedy and everything in between. You can join the fun and read all the other fabulous snippets at the wonderfully friendly and supportive official facebook group here.

This week I’m still snipping from the first book in my Ashton’s Kingdom series, The Curious Adventures Of Smith And Skarry. This story includes diverse characters from across the gender spectrum and beneath the humorous veneer it asks big questions about the important issues of power, identity and, most importantly, fine china.

For reference, if you’ve been enjoying the Necromancer snippets, this story takes place 500 years before that. And if you’ve enjoyed the Jack and Marjory snippets, this story happens immediately before those events, so Jack and Marjory are still working down the treacle mine at this point – and the Pirate Captain on the front cover is Jack Diamond who rescues them in book two 🙂
If you’d like some world background to the whole series you can find it here in the INTRODUCTION which is at the start of the book as well.

To recap from where we left off last week, Mercurio Smith and Johnathon Skarry (two undergraduate wizards) are breaking into a baker’s shop in Pendle…

 

They made their way silently through the blue tangle of overgrowth that might once have passed for lawn, the bulging belly of the house looming in front of them – a squatting crone in the darkness. Reaching the, surprisingly stalwart, back door, Skarry turned and raised his eyebrows in silent question. He was rewarded with a petulant pout and was forced to resort to miming his entreaty, through a series of urgent gestures, until, finally, Mercurio seemed to decide he had sweated and suffered enough and, with an absurdly vitriolic air, drew the mechanical cat from his pocket once more and introduced it to the lock.
The cat considered the apparatus critically, before breathing a puff of dusky purple smoke into the keyhole. He placed the cat on the brick doorstep and shot a haughty, expectant look at his accomplice. Skarry sighed inwardly, but shaped his features into an appeasing smile and inclined his head in thanks.

The evil overlord Wiz has seized control of all the tea, cake and magic in the universe. In a world crammed with dubious science and cream-powered technology, crippled by sugar tax and loose leaf ration books, overrun by cake smugglers, tea fiends and lemonade dealers, ruled over by Tea Time Lords and policed by vigilante mechanical angels, only a band of truly extraordinary adventurers can bring down this oppressive empire and save the good people of Ire from this tea time tyranny. Could these two would-be wizards, Messrs Smith and Skarry, and their band of land pirates, skywaymen, witches, orphans and other relentless rogues, be the anti-heroes The New World has been waiting for, or have they simply stirred up an enormous storm in a rather tiny teacup?

 

Wishing you all a most splendiferous week and don’t forget to check in at the #rainbowsnippets facebook group for more fabulous snippets of LGBTQIA+ fiction


Frost Fair: With Zakarrie Clarke

Good Morning! Welcome to the Annual Lancastrian Frost Fair on the frozen River Lune!

 My name is Zakarrie and my stories are a rollercoaster ride of lust, laughter and all-consuming love. Even at their most contemporary, i should p’raps tag them #quirky #mmromance and (more often than not) #ownvoices. 

You can see my wares displayed here for your perusal, please feel free to browse at your leisure…

Amazon Author Page: 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Zakarrie-Clarke/e/B07D7JQ32N/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1

Novels:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07RKPLGJ6/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i0

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07BBNJHZB/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i6

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07HW2Q2LD/ref=series_rw_dp_sw

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07NJCXX8Q/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i1

I hope you enjoy your time on the ice today, thank you so much for stopping by. 

*

If you’d like to read a free, full length shapeshifter novel, I’ve been serialising my latest story on my blog:

The Beast of Bodmin Moor

Two years ago, Jake McCain met an irresistible stranger at the Glastonbury festival. A few days later his life, as he knew it, was over.  Enter Jack. The ‘two’ of them have…cohabited ever since. Much to Jack’s dismay, Jake is relentless in his bid to be the most bloody minded human a jackal ever had the misfortune to manage.

Phin Finley has set off on a magical mystery campervan tour of south-west England. Having flown the family nest for the first time, he is determined to prove to his parents that he can manage just fine, despite being a bit too…Phinnish for most folk’s comfort, his mum’s peace of mind and dad’s constitution.

This is the story of his misadventures. Of finding your (happy) place in the world, making (foxy) friends and the fabled Beast of Bodmin Moor. 

Full storyhttps://zakarrie.com/tag/beast/  

Ch 1: https://zakarrie.com/2019/10/29/happy-halloween-week/

 


Halfway To Someday Blog Tour: Guest Post By Layla Dorine

HalfwaytoSomeday-Slider

Greeting’s, and thank you for having me on your blog today. I’m Layla Dorine, a midwestern author originally from the East Coast. I love traveling and am officially down to one state remaining that I haven’t seen yet, Alaska, after the road trip to GRL this past October. In fact, traveling has been an amazing way to generate ideas, meet new people and just get inspired through new experiences, exploration and simply having fun and relaxing. There are still days when I wake up and look around my office and think to myself, hell yeah, because the only thing I ever wanted to do in life was become a writer.
I’m 43, and my mother still has some of the poetry that I wrote when I was nine, ten, eleven years old. Words were fun, words, not spelling, I never could spell well, thank you dyslexia, but I love to read and I love the way words come together and over the years I have penned everything from song lyrics to one act plays.
My favorite part of the process, though, is the moments of inspiration and pulling the scenes together that will eventually formulate the storyline. Over the years, it’s led me to dirt bike trails, long horseback rides, and romps through the woods that run from sunup to sundown. Of course, being that this is Iowa, we have at least four months out of the year that none of those things are possible, but that just means I retreat to bookstores, coffee shops, libraries and museums, to people watch and think.
Halfway to Someday is my 14th full length novel, and one of the angstiest of them all, which is saying something, considering the tearjerkers Guitars and Cages and Gypsy’s Rogue turned out to be. I hope readers will agree. It was a joy and a pleasure to tell Jesse and Ryker’s story.

Halfway to Someday Author Interview #2
What was your favorite childhood book?
Oh man, just one? I can’t even. I’ve got so many from when I was a little kid that I have hung onto and still have in my library to this day. How the Grinch Stole Christmas is timeless in my opinion. It never gets old and I reread it a few times during the holiday season. Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree, which turned out to be my youngest son’s favorite too. I love the disgruntled look on the tree at the end, when it’s branches have been stripped bare and a bloated cookie monster lay sunning himself beneath it. I still love all of the Winnie the Pooh stories too, and read, re-read, and read until it fell apart S.E. Hinton’s the outsides. Those four books sum up the things I loved in my childhood, and I am glad I got to share them with my children when they were little.
Explain the title of your book.
Well, the original title was going to be Rockin’ Ryker’s World, but as Jesse revealed himself to be anything but a fun, flirty, party going rock star, I came to realize that the title simply wouldn’t fit. Still, I had no clue what would, until a conversation between two characters ended with the line: I’m Halfway to Someday. It struck me in that moment that it was the perfect title for the book, and I couldn’t help but play with it a few more times over the course of the story too. I like the rhythm and flow of it when it’s spoken and could just imagine it as a rock ballad. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll pen the lyrics for it.
What was your hardest scene to write? Oh man, ever? Or in this book? If you mean the hardest scene to write over the course of all fourteen books and numerous short stories, then it has to be the moment when Alexia in Guitars and Cages, is banging on her brother’s apartment door after he’d slammed it in her face. I cried right along with Alexia as I was writing it and I still cry whenever I read it. If you mean in Halfway to Someday, well, let’s just say that there is a moment when Jesse is in his truck, reflecting on the past, that was particularly difficult.
Which character was your favorite to write? As much as I hate picking favorites and in no way want to upset Ryker, considering I have plans to have them pop up here and there in other stories, I have to say that Jesse was my favorite character in Halfway to Someday. I think that was because he reminded me of an old friend and the songs we’d write and play together. I could picture several moments in the cabin clearly and vividly, and in my mind’s eye, the visual equivalent of Jesse is my old friend, Tommy.
What would you say is your most interesting writing quirk? Aside from the fact that I still hand write my rough drafts, I prefer to write from places that aren’t my home. The desk is great for typing and editing and working out plans for projects, but for actually writing, I prefer to be in public places, even if it’s just a sidewalk bench that happened to be close by when inspiration hit. I love heading out to the woods to work on a story too. Listening to nature and the bubbling of a creek helps me put aside things that might be stressing me out in order to zone in on my characters and tap into the story they want me to tell.
Which of your books was the most enjoyable to write? So hard to choose just one. Each had some amazing components and experiences associated with them. Working on Burning Luck and Midnight Musicals inspired me to make several trips out to Seattle, some on a bus, others on a plane, which offered plenty of opportunity to observe people and create some interesting characters along the way. I loved writing Tripping Over the Edge of Night. It was how I spent the very frozen winter here in Iowa last year. Simply getting to remain in my easy chair wrapped in blankets was awesome, especially when there were copious amounts of Buttershots and Hot Cocoa involved.


Frost Fair: Collin’s memoirs part 2…

Thankyou, friends, for joining me this morning on board the Harlequin Ladybird, do pull up a cat.. er, sorry, I mean a cushion… and make yourselves comfortable as I, Collin The Octopus, read to you all from my marvellous journal of extremely exciting adventures… a-hem…

February, 1823…

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Max and Collin’s splendiferously sparkling and frostabulously frozen parlour located in the splendidly scenic city of Lancaster!

True, some have called it a frigid place of cold hearts and frosty welcomes but we consider that uch people are merely embittered that they have not yet received an invitation.

You find us this morning, warming our tentacles beside an imaginary fire after an enterprising and entertaining morning at the fabulous frost fair which is being held on our beloved river Lune.

Our psychotic scarecrow landlord, Montmorency, woke us before dawn with the business end of his walking cane and demanded that we head out into the frozen darkness and not return until we had enough money to pay for this month’s rent. The fact that we only just paid for the last month seems to have escaped the rogue and so I perched upon Max’s shoulder and we set off towards the river.

There were already traders setting up stalls on the ice but none of them took favourably to our offers  of  assistance (it seems that Queen Vic’s recent  amendments to equality in employment law do not extend to an Octopus and a Tea Fiend) So we settled ourselves on the bank instead and watched the sun rise over the frosted spires of the sail barges which had collapsed crazily into the ice sheets and lay mired liked the skeletons of stranded beasts from some fantastical caffeine-fuelled nightmare.

Things picked up once the punters arrived. After some initial competition from a woman hawking root beer (For a Very Quite Gentleman, Max can be terribly clumsy when glass bottles are around) we managed to sell twenty bottles of lemonade (and drink many more) without being lynched by the barge folk for selling without paying the trading fees.

We decided that that was quite enough hard shirking for one morning and spent the rest of the time mooching around the stalls, watching the jugglers and fire eaters and, most impressively to me, the ice skaters. Having lived under the sea all my life, I never imagined this curious form entertainment and I am determined, soon, to beg, borrow or steal enough pairs of ice skates to attempt the thing myself.

Now here we are back in the parlour, our landlord briefly appeased, our cats greedily devouring the last of the skimmed milk ration, and all desperately in need of a reviving spot of elevenses and some soothing music to tap our tentacles to. Unfortunately our absconding butler has not seen fit to deliver the goods this morning (perhaps she thinks it’s a holiday? ‘Though what a werewolf would find to do at a frost fair we have no idea…) but not to worry because we managed to run into our lovely Mrs Baker on the way back and she has set us up with a packet of genuine Frost Fair Souvenir Gingerbread which, knowing Mrs B, will be crammed full of illegal sugar…mmm…

And, by happy chance, Max’s constant pocket companion ‘The Whole Duty Of A Woman (or an infalliable guide to the fair sex) – 1737’ (A birthday gift from a devoted family member I think) has an excellent recipe for … OWCH! …Well, really! You know, for a Very Quiet Gentleman, Max, you  can be excessively violent devoid of a sense of humour… do learn to take a joke, please!

I was going to say, before I was so rudely interrupted by a flying teapot, that this is a recipe for ginger bread biscuits, rather than the cake which we are enjoying now but it is nonetheless share-worthy, I think…

“To Make Gingerbread…

Take a pound and a half of London Treacle, two eggs beaten, half a pound of sugar, one ounce of ginger, beaten and sifted, of cloves, mace and nutmeg, all together, half an ounce beaten very fine, coriander seeds and caraway seeds of each half an ounce, Two punds of butter melted; mix all these together, with as much flour a will knead it into a pretty stiff paste, then roll it out and cut it into what Form you please; bake it in a Quick Oven on Tin-plates; A little time will bake it.”

 

 

Oh I do miss our dear Mrs Baker very much indeed! And yes, I’m sorry to say that Max is no less violent and humourless when it comes to ‘taking a joke’ these days as he was then… fortunately he has decided not to join us for these little readings, although I can’t think why he would deny himself such a pleasure, hedonism notoriously being his chief virtue…

If you are out on the ice today, do tread with care won’t you? Unless you have ice skates in which case throw yourself gracelessly with wild abandon! And until we meet again please, remain always

Utterly Yourself


Representing Rromani People in Fiction

Happy Sunday folks! I don’t usually do a Sunday post but I was fortunate enough to be invited to do a guest post on Stephen Palmer’s blog on the subject of Rromani representation in fiction so I thought I’d share it at the weekend so that it doesn’t get trampled by Collin and his Frost Fair shenanigans! XD

Here’s the link to the guest post: http://www.stephenpalmer.co.uk/

Stephen Palmer writes a variety of diverse fiction including Sci fi and Steampunk. You can find his authour page on amazon here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stephen-Palmer/e/B0062Z5R78?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1581086881&sr=8-1

 


#RainbowSnippets: Curious Adventures

Happy Saturday! For us here in Steampunk’d Lancaster it is still the annual frost fair, and if you’d like to grab a promo slot there is still time to show of your wares with a guest post, just click the submissions tab above and scroll down for the frost fair template I’ll be squeezing in as many as I can before the end of Feb 🙂 x

Here’s my #RainbowSnippets post for this week – if you’re new to this, Rainbow Snippets is a chance to read and share 6 sentences of LGBTQIA+ fiction every Saturday. There’s a huge variety from Steampunk, like mine, to Romance, Fantasy, Paranormal, Comedy and everything in between. You can join the fun and read all the other fabulous snippets at the wonderfully friendly and supportive official facebook group here.

This week I’m still snipping from the first book in my Ashton’s Kingdom series, The Curious Adventures Of Smith And Skarry. This story includes diverse characters from across the gender spectrum and beneath the humorous veneer it asks big questions about the important issues of power, identity and, most importantly, fine china.

For reference, if you’ve been enjoying the Necromancer snippets, this story takes place 500 years before that. And if you’ve enjoyed the Jack and Marjory snippets, this story happens immediately before those events, so Jack and Marjory are still working down the treacle mine at this point – and the Pirate Captain on the front cover is Jack Diamond who rescues them in book two 🙂
If you’d like some world background to the whole series you can find it here in the INTRODUCTION which is at the start of the book as well.

To recap from where we left off last week, Mercurio Smith and Johnathon Skarry (two undergraduate wizards) are breaking into a baker’s shop in Pendle… (slightly over 6 sentences to avoid cutting it in an awkward place)

 

It wasn’t that he minded going in first. In fact, he preferred it. But he resented being a possible pawn in his companion’s ploy to conceal his own cowardice.
Was Mercurio a coward? Quite probably – Skarry flipped quickly through his mental journal of the last few weeks; first year initiates, at the High Collegium of Magical Arts in the capital city of Lichfield, were granted a six week induction period, during which they spent a cursory amount of hours acquainting themselves with the esoteric practices and theosophies of each of the four Towers Of Magic, and a superfluous amount of the same being ousted from the local inns and taverns (none of whom seemed to welcome the custom of magic users.)
It was one of these ‘oustings’ which had thrown the two wizards into each other’s company. Or was it the other way around? Skarry struggled to recollect, as the memory of those days that had followed their first encounter deliquesced into a whirlpool of clandestine escapades and near-misadventures – the latest of which he was now, like it or not, thoroughly embroiled in.

 

The evil overlord Wiz has seized control of all the tea, cake and magic in the universe. In a world crammed with dubious science and cream-powered technology, crippled by sugar tax and loose leaf ration books, overrun by cake smugglers, tea fiends and lemonade dealers, ruled over by Tea Time Lords and policed by vigilante mechanical angels, only a band of truly extraordinary adventurers can bring down this oppressive empire and save the good people of Ire from this tea time tyranny. Could these two would-be wizards, Messrs Smith and Skarry, and their band of land pirates, skywaymen, witches, orphans and other relentless rogues, be the anti-heroes The New World has been waiting for, or have they simply stirred up an enormous storm in a rather tiny teacup?

 

Wishing you all a most splendiferous week and don’t forget to check in at the #rainbowsnippets facebook group for more fabulous snippets of LGBTQIA+ fiction


Friday Filk: Harry Potter’s Alphabet Aerobics! (I found it at last!!!)

HAPPY FRIIIIIIIDAYYYYYY! I’m a bit excited (can you tell? XD ) I was thumbing through an old dropbox account I’d totally forgotten I had aaaaand – kapow! – I found the Harry Potter version of Blackalicious’ incredibly amazing Alphabet Aerobics! 😀 So although strictly speaking I was only doing the Friday Filk posts through December I couldn’t resist squeezing this one in 😀

If you don’t know the original (shame on you! XD 😉 xxx ) you can find it here:

 

But it was seeing Daniel Radcliffe do it in this next clip that made me think, tsk, he should have done a Harry Potter version… so I wrote one, just for larks XD

 

So with merry peels of wicked naughty laughter, here’s my HP version… XD

“Harry Potter’s Alphabet Aerobics”
(Alright then everybody, listen up! Welcome to the room of requirement, now it’s time for our warm up
Let’s give it everything we’ve got
Ready? Begin)

Azkaban escape artists, aren’t all animagi
Auras ought to Aquire an Axminster to fly by

Bertie Botts Beans behave bombastically believe
My bludger beaten butter beer bashed brain I don’t deceive
Chasing chambers chocolate frogs n cleansweeps cause calamities
Centaurs can’t cope with comets, causing catastrophies

Divination dunces done dealin with dementors
Deletritate the Dark Lord’s devious defenders

Ever ready with expelliarmus to evade
Any extra expiration eaters to erase

Frightful fire drakes within the forest forbidden
Feedin flubberworms, consider flirebolts ridden

Goblins guarding galleons in Gringots vaults are grim
Go Go Gryffindors and grab the golden snitch to win

Hangin with Hermione at honey dukes down in Hogsmead
With Hagrid and his Hippogriff at Hogwarts then its home for tea

I spell impervious, imperious, incendio,
Impedimenta, imperturbable, incantato

Jellylegs in jest can be a jolly good jape
But jumbling your jinxes is a big mistake

Keepin’ with my crew I am a Quidditch sensation
Or kickin’ back with Kingsley down at Kings Cross station

Leviosa, lumos, elementary I learned the lot
With professor lupin and his loopy lupine lycanthrope

Mudbluds live in mortal fear of Morsmordre the mark is dark
And murdered muggles will appear if the ministry can’t stop this lark

We never nag Nagini never let a gnargle niggle us
Like Nigelus or A nimbus, two thousand when it’s nicked from us

Owls dropping orders from the ministry
It’s plain to see, that Olivander’s out of it and only we can set him free

Padfoot please at platform nine and three quarters be there on time
I’ll pronounce in parcel tongue and postulate what’s to be done

Queerly catching quaffles in a quidditch match game
Quickly Quote the quibbler mutter ‘quietus’ when they claim that you’re insane

Spell reducio, Ridikuulus, relashio,
Rikktusempra, Renervate, Repello, Reducto

Severus and Scabbers have scars they’d rather hide
But Scrimgeour and the secret seven wear their scars with pride

Toyohashi Tengu, Thundelarra Thunderers,
Tarapoto Tree Skimmers, Tchamba Charmers

Can you unfogg the future make a vow that is unbreakable
Curse Umbridge unforgivably make Uric unmistakable

Veritaserum is verily reviled
By volunteers Lord Voldemort has beguiled

When you want to wreak havoc or skive off sick
Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes will do the trick

Xenophilius is exemplary at anti-xenophobia
except when executioners are threatening his daughter

Will you go with Yaxley to the Yule Ball?
You know who will be there and he’ll shock them all.

Zod off with a sack of Zonko’s tricks trailing a zombie
Or just relax and catch some zees with Zaire, Zeller, Zipes, Zamojski, Zograf and Zambini

Phew – I’m Zonked.

Ok everyone that wasn’t too bad, now let me hear you sing it when faced with a dementor…