Steampunk fiction, reviews and interviews

Posts tagged “harry potter

#FridayFilk: Banned From Hogwarts

What the hell, it’s cold outside, the days are dark here so I thought I’d bring back the old Friday Filk posts for a while – a series of silly songs perfect for getting you kicked out of your local pub, library, place of worship or geography lesson. Mostly old stuff, just for a laugh, but maybe some new things will raise their heads as well, let’s see.

Not sure what Filk is? Well, thanks to a typo in a magazine waaaaaayyyyyy back, ‘Filk Music’ is the folk music of the geek community. Legend has it that it started at a con with WGGL (We’re Going to Get Lynched for doing this!) and now has spread world wide. There are many respected Filk artists from Leslie Fish and Heather Alexander to Not Literally and Random Encounters.

 

You know Leslie Fish’s Banned From Argo? Of course you do. If you don’t, it’s here:

 

So, here’s my HP version ūüėČ

 

Banned from Hogwarts

 

When we pulled into Hogsmead station on the red express 

Bushy tailed and bright eyed in our robes dressed to impress

We had high expectations of the things we would achieve

But poor Hogwarts was not prepared for wizards such as we 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one¬†

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore¬†

 

We are the Weasley twins there is no trick that we won’t try

To make filch pull his hair out or to make old Umbridge cry

Our skiving snacks, of which we’re proud, are famed throughout the school

And with our fireworks as well we’ve flouted every rule 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one¬†

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore¬†

 

We’ve fought snakes, spiders, trolls, dragons and we think we’re pretty cool

There’s not a rule together we’ve not broken in this school

We crashed a flying car into an ancient willow tree

And there’s no point in doing homework coz we’ve got Hermione

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one¬†

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore¬†

 

I really cannot see that I have done anything wrong

Alright I served the dark lord, but it wasn’t for that long

I may have let a few death eaters in through a secret door

And set a few classrooms ablaze and threatened Dumbledore

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one¬†

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore¬†

I really didn’t think that it would end this way it’s true 

I think the trouble all began the day I started SPEW 

And then I formed a secret army to defeat the ministry

Now I’m on the run stuck in a tent with Ron and Harry 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one¬†

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore¬†

 

It’s Remus’ fault if he’d not been a werewolf we would not

Have become animagi all and added to this plot

Although we always would have made Snape’s life a misery

And showed the world his underpants so James could have Lilly 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one¬†

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore¬†

 

My name is Tom but I prefer The Dark Lord, that’s more cool

You amateurs can’t match the things that I’ve done in this school

Killed mudbloods with a basilisk, let it out through a porthole

And murdered to make horcruxes and become immortal 

 

But now we’re banned from Hogwarts every one¬†

Banned from Hogwarts just for having a little fun 

We did our best to fit in there and please old Dumbledore 

But Hogwarts doesn’t want us anymore¬†

 

 

 


#FridayFilk : A Wizard’s Bread And Butter

What the hell, it’s cold outside, the days are dark here so I thought I’d bring back the old Friday Filk posts for a while – a series of silly songs perfect for getting you kicked out of your local pub, library, place of worship or geography lesson. Mostly old stuff, just for a laugh, but maybe some new things will raise their heads as well, let’s see.

Not sure what Filk is? Well, thanks to a typo in a magazine waaaaaayyyyyy back, ‘Filk Music’ is the folk music of the geek community. It started at a con with WGGL (We’re Going to Get Lynched for doing this!) and now has spread world wide. There are many respected Filk artists from Leslie Fish and Heather Alexander to Not Literally and Random Encounters.

October is the month for witch and wizardry for sure so here’s a Harry Potter song for you (you can sing it to the tune of ‘My Old Man’s A Dustman’ or you can make up your own tune UTY ūüėÄ )

 

A WIZARD’S BREAD AND BUTTER:

 

Oh there’s nothing wrong with Lumos

If you need a bit of light

But Lumos just won’t cut it

If you’re looking for a fight

 

Oh there’s nothing wrong with Bat Bogies

If you’re squabbling at school

But you’ll look pretty infantile

If you try it in a duel

 

Oh there’s nothing wrong with a disarm spell

If it’s a duel you’ve found

But a disarm spell won’t serve you well

When there’s Death Eaters around

 

Oh there’s nothing wrong with Confringo

It will blow them all away

But Confringo will have to go

When the Dark lord comes to play

 

Oh there’s nothing wrong with all these spells

But when these spells won’t do…

Just try ‘AVADA KEDAVRA!’¬†

It’s the spell to get you through!

 

 

 


Elevenses: Join The Ministry Of Steam Wizards!

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome back to Max and Collin’s marvellously magical parlour located somewhere within the bowels of the splendidly scenic city of steampunk’d Lancaster!

True some have called it a house of illusion and deception where strange creatures wait to lure unsuspecting travellers to doom, but we consider that such people are merely embittered that they have not yet received an invitation.

This morning we have some exciting news to share with you all! As well as our wonderful Hopeless Shenanigans at Time Quake Steampunk Festival last month, we had the very great honour of meeting The Ministry Of Steam Wizards, being sorted into our steam wizard houses by Aethelred The Pigeon Of Pigeonholing and taking part in their wand making, potions and wand duelling sessions!

WE CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH, THE ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF AWESOME THAT IS THE MINISTRY OF STEAM WIZARDS!

steam wizards 1

But if you were not at Time Quake, fear not! You can join us at The Ministry Of Steampunk Wizards right now and become part of this fabulous, friendly, supportive and super-splendiferous steampunk society!

GET SORTED INTO YOUR STEAMPUNK WIZARD HOUSE HERE

Just like the Harry Potter houses, there are four Steampunk Wizard houses which Aethelred the pigeon of pigeonholing can sort you into. A quick questionnaire (which of course, just like the Hogwarts sorting hat, takes into account your own personal preference) will determine whether you would be best placed in

 

Shackleton : The best house to be in and not just because it is the house that we Рand by association Penny Рwere sorted into! Named after the great polar explorer Ernest Shackleton, some may call us bold, pigheaded and obstinate but we know that is just the green eyed monster speaking.

Here’s a word from our head of house:

“Good evening everyone I shall take this opportunity to introduce myself and the next school house.

My name is Professor Albert Vastin and I am the head of Shackleton house, I am also the Duelling instructor at our school. We of Shackleton house are said to be Persistent and strong willed to the point of obstinacy, I prefer to see us as determined in all our endeavours. It’s a fact that we are the more likely of our brethren to put our magic aside and get our hands dirty be it adapting non magic gadgets to meet our own needs or expanding our knowledge of far flung corners of the world, it’s no wonder many of the great explorer of the last century came from our house, after all one of the greatest is our founder and patron! Our house colour is blue and house song is Nimrod. (At least it will be when I persuade the other heads that we should have house songs!)

Our house motto is ‚ÄúExultemus in faciem adversis.‚ÄĚ Which means ‚ÄúTriumph in the face of adversity.‚ÄĚ

Our house founder Earnest Shackleton lived these qualities in abundance. A wizard of iron will he lead several polar expeditions braving sub zero temperatures and hard ships that would make most of us tremble, he managed all this without magic. (He lived too close to them to hide it). He greatest achievement was the saving of his crew while they were trapped in ice and their supplies ran low.

I look forward to greeting those who join our endeavours to discover just what is beyond the horizon, we can equip you for that journey in Shackleton House.”

steam wizards nightigale

 

Nightingale : Named after the famous founder of nursing Florence Nightingale, never cross a Nightingale they say, for the only difference between medicine and poison is the dose!

Here’s a word from their head of house:

“Felicitations my good people! Welcome to the next House in The Steam Wizard School- Nightingale¬†ūüôā¬†I am Queenie Goldsteam, your Head of House and Matron. We are inspired by the great heroine, Florence Nightingale, the lady of the lamp (who was, of course, a light magic user). A pioneer in her field. Our attributes are that we are caring, considerate, patient, helpful but ruthless. We are resourceful and respond well to crisis and change. We are leaders and specialists in any field we choose.

Our House Colour: Red (for the blood of life)
Symbol: heart

I look forward to meeting fellow Nightgalians! Do you have what it takes to:

“A cool head and a warm heart light the way” ? ”

steam wizards edmonstone

Edmonstone¬†Named after John Edmonstone the taxidermist who taught and inspired¬† Charles Darwin, Edmonstonians are persistant in the face of adversity and prefer to work quietly behind the scenes supporting and encouraging the endeavours of others – a bit like ninjas really… only more kind-hearted and possibly bearing cake… cake ninjas?

Here’s a word from their head of house:¬†

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen! I am Professor Solis Dark and I am here to introduce the final of our four houses- Edmonstone.

Edmonstone house is known for perseverence. We will not give up no matter the odds, and grow in the face of adversity. Our quiet strength comes from our rigour, and we apply ourselves thoroughly to any task. We are often most comfortable behind the scenes, providing knowledge and support.

We are a creative house, learning and growing together (as our symbol would suggest). In Edmonstone you are encouraged to be the best you can without judgement. Education is valued in Edmonstone in all forms, as is creativity. We are creators, in science and in the arts.

Our founder was John Edmonstone, the freed slave who taught Charles Darwin, ultimately encouraging him to move from medicine to naturalism. He inspired Darwin with tales of his time in the deep rainforests of South America and was a talented taxidermist. He was a learned man, who achieved great things in time, and we are proud to bear his name.

Our house motto is ‚Äėgutta cavat lapidem‚Äô, inspired by his perseverance. It translates to ‚Äúa water drop hollows a stone‚ÄĚ or ‚Äúconstant dripping wears the stone‚ÄĚ. I look forward to welcoming new members of Edmonstone!

A small admin note for any prospective Edmonstonians: I am primarily based on Venus for field research and am often away from my office for long periods. My Acting Head of House is¬†Lauramavic Caradonna¬†who will be representing Edmonstone at some events we attend. Feel free to direct queries at us both.”

steam wizards earheart

 

Earheart¬†Named after Amelia Earheart, the first female aviator to fly solo across the Atlantic, ask an Earheart where they’ve been and you’ll likely be told “Where haven’t I been? WOOOOOFF!”

Here’s a word from their head of house:

“Good evening, fellow Steam Wizards!

The first house that I proudly present to you is the House Of Earheart. Named after the great Amelia Earheart, female pilot (and secret witch of the Ministry), Earheart has inspired the qualities of our House: Bold, adventurous, and lovers of derring do! Outgoing and brash- not afraid to break convention and fly with ideas!

I (Korbynn Talon) will be your head of house and I look forward to meeting fellow Earheartians! Do you have the derring do to be one of us?

On Wings We Fly!”

 

SORTED! WHAT NEXT? ….¬†

Once you’ve sorted yourself, you’ll need to make a wizard name for yourself, you might have one in mind already but if you need a little help you can use this WIZARD NAME GENERATOR

Once you have your name and house you’re ready to come and introduce yourself on the facebook forum!¬†¬†

Here you can meet the staff and your fellow wizards, post anything pertaining to your steampunk wizarding adventures and create a personal Chronicles file which can build up over time as an on going in-character diary of your magical adventures!

Wizards and witches of all ages are welcomed at the Ministry Of Steam wizards and their ‘outreach programme’ seeks to encourage and support youngsters by sending them a letter of encouragement and support or congratulations for an achievement ( you can ask them to put a specific thing in the letter if you wish) along with a steam wizard certificate. This is a heart-meltingly wonderful idea which they are providing for free so if you know a young witch or wizard who could do with a boost let the steam wizards know!

Once you’ve settled in you’ll no doubt want to get yourself kitted out in some top wizarding tweeds so pop along to Madame Warpweft’s Academic Outfiters and pick up your wand, robes and official house badges, pins and hair bands, all at super-affordable prices (our little urchins were able splash their pocket money on plenty of fabulous things!)

Practical Magic…

Besides contributing to the online community there are plenty of fun and practical things you can do at home or at conventions which The Ministry Of Steam Wizards are present at.

The Ministry has devised an excellent system for wizard duelling with steampunk spells! The actual spells to be used will change at each convention or event, making it fair for newcomers, and the system works with a core of 5 spells where each spell defeats two others (exactly like rock, paper, scissors!) at the duelling master’s word the two duellists shout their spells and the judges determine who has won. Anyone can duel for fun or in the training workshops but formal competitors must be aged 10 years or over.

The spells used at Time Quake (so that you can have a go now at home!) were:

Coglito Totalis! (Beats Steamulto and Punkus)

Steamulto! (Beats Automata and Tenebitur)

Automata! (Beats Punkus and Coglito Totalis)

Punkus! (Beats Steamulto and Tenebitur)

Tenebitur! (Beats Automata and Coglito Totalis)

 

If you’re more of a potion brewer than a wand waver, we also had fun at Time Quake brewing colour changing potions of love, healing and death! our little urchins enjoyed this so much they had a potions day at home and devised their own simple system for naming steampunk potions, which you are welcome to borrow:

Take a Latin prefix which describes the type of potion you are making, add any word associated with steampunk, end with any Latin suffix that sounds cool!

 

So there you have it, what are you waiting for?! Come and join us at the Ministry Of Steam Wizards and look out for them at your next Steampunk convention!

 

We will be back in the parlour next week with a review of Selkie Cove by one of our favourite authors of all time, Kara Jorgensen, so until then please remain always

Utterly Yourself!

 

PS: It shouldn’t need to be said but, just in case: ” Intellectual copyright of everything in this post – rules, names and spells, competition and games etc. are the intellectual copyright of the Ministry Of Steam Wizards and not to be used elsewhere without prior agreement.¬†Ministry of Steam Wizard (MoSW) and Mme Warpweft’s Academic Outfitters logos, house emblems, products and prizes belong to the group as intellectual property. The admins/staff reserve the right to refuse third parties to reproduce and access to MSW logos and emblems. Logos/ emblems/ names/ Houses/ intellectual content must not to be used for profit and resale. Use of logos in re-creation for personal use is permitted (and indeed encouraged- we love to see what you can do for your and your families outfits!) with copyright credited on anything shown online (physical produce, art work ,writing for instance).”

 

 

 

 

 


Elevenses: Mad March Hats

Good morning ladies and gentlemen I hope we are all feeling extremely eleven o clockish because the time is, of course, eleven o clock and we are ferociously armed to the back teeth with tiffin but, before we launch our assault upon our stomachs, let us take a moment to perform our sacred tea ceremony for the month of march…

March was invented by The Powers That Tea, so that all honest tea fiends might have one sacred month in the year when we can inflict massive amounts of joy and jubilation upon the rest of humanity and try to convert them to our divine cause.

The Sacred Tea for March is ALL TEA.

Ceremonial Garb:  The Mad Top Hat

The Scared Ritual for the first of March is as follows:

The Chant:

 

There is only one leaf, and its name is ‚Äėall leaves‚Äô

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† There is only one kettle, and its name is ‚Äėall steams‚Äô

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† There is only one pot, and its name is ‚Äėall pots‚Äô

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† There is only one cup, and its name is ‚Äėall cups‚Äô

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† There is only one brew, and its name is ‚Äėall brews‚Äô

The Oath:

I solemnly swear to accept the gift of the month of March as a month for spreading mischievous amounts of joy and tea-inspired jollity to those around me. I will honour the Powers That Tea by drinking All Tea with respect and acknowledging that tea is a divine gift to all, not to be hoarded or monopolised by one group of greedy guzzlers. As a mark of this vow I will wear my Mad Top Hat every day during the month of March.

 

There, now that we have the formalities out of the way we can indulge our true motive which is of course to get all punked up in fabulous hats! So we have scoured the aether far and wide for the best Milliners available and here is a selection of the delights we have found…

Maison Decantern

The Hatz Meow

Black Pin

Lucy Steampunk

Liver and Monk

Rose Lace Pearl

 

And right on queue here comes our delightful werewolf butler with this amazing top hat cake tutorial from Bake King… because there’s no batter way to celebrate the month of madness that with a mad hat cake!

 

And finally all we need is some awesomely audacious audios to usher in the afternoon, so lets tune in our spirit radio and see if we can find sort something hattish …oh here we are, here’s a fantastic tune for any Potter fans out there…

 

We wish you a marvellously mad afternoon filled with as many millinery delights as you desire and until we see you again please, be always,

Utterly Yourself