Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back to Max and Collin’s exuberantly ostentatious and divinely deliquescent parlour located within the splendidly scenic city of Lancaster.
True, some have called it a cracked pot, inhabited only by the dregs of society’s teacup but we consider that such people are merely embittered that they have not yet received an invitation.
You find me all alone this morning, my Very Quiet Gentleman Friend having dressed himself as a Gypsy Queen and set himself down at the docks in an attempt to earn some rent money… Hm? What’s that you say? Oh no, nothing like that, he is attempting to sell all those flower remedies we made last week…. Hm? Then why does he have to dress as a woman? …. I… well, that is I…. look, I’m sure Max has his reasons for doing the things he does, I just don’t always have the stamina to enquire.
Whatever the case, I hope you will join me for a criminally delightful cup full of Moriar-Tea from Cottage Botanicals, inspired by Conan Doyle’s arch villain, and stay and take a peek at the marvellous book I am reading, which this morning is
You may already be in love with Nimue Brown’s acts of Steampunk Splendidness, you may have been seduced by the uncanny wisdom of her books on Druidry and Paganism… but did you know she is also the queen of Magic Realism?
In a world not so different from our own, a vigilante group of techies have shut down all the computer systems on the planet in an attempt to put an end to the war and destruction orchestrated by technology. But where there’s a will, there will always be a way and a new ‘cellulose tech’ has now been developed. But using living plant cells in communications technology leads to some disturbingly sentient systems… and then the people begin to vanish…
This book is for the intelligent, the deep thinking, the ones who like to reach the end of a novel and gasp “oh my I must read that at least a dozen more times until I have absorbed everything it is saying!” There is a cunningly woven mixture of darkness and light, dystopia and paradise, becoming lost and found / discovered and vanished which fans of writers like Iain Banks will immediately comprehend and appreciate. A definite must for lovers of dystopian science fiction and magic realism.
Now I suppose I ought to see what our little oracular pet has plucked from the aether for us this morning…
Well, there you have it, you could all be taken over by trees much sooner than you think! But I hope you aren’t vanished away too quickly or I shan’t have anyone to talk to. Except Max of course… I wonder how he’s getting on?
I hope you will join us for elevenses tomorrow, until then please, be always,
Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Max and Collin’s treemendously treerific parlour filled with only the most tantalising treets.
True some have called it a pithy place inhabited by a branch of the family tree which is barking mad and ought to have been severed years ago, but those people are Max’s parents and so we pay them no heed whatsoever.
You find us this morning still ferociously celebrating Wizmas and filled to the brim with maniacal cheer as we construct our Wizmas tree in the centre of the parlour.
We hear that in your dimension you have a similar tradition during the winter months, well, let me take a moment to tell you how the Wizmas tree came about…
Long before Wiz defeated the Goddess, plants and trees that remained green all year had a special meaning for people in the winter.
People believed that evergreens were the favoured plants of snow pixies, who brought gifts and granted wishes around the time of the Winter Solstice to cheer people up at the midpoint of the cold, dark season. They would bring an evergreen Tea Tree into the home and hang teacups and treats from its branches.
Gaul is credited with starting the modern Wizmas tree tradition. In the 16th century, devout students from the collegiums of Munster brought nuts, bolts, wire and cogs into their dormitories and shaped them into pyramids resembling trees in an attempt to symbolise the evergreens of Siberia where Wiz is said to have defeated the Goddess.
Tina Thrumler, wife of the 16th-century reformer Nathaniel Thrumler, first added lighted candles to a wizmas tree. Walking toward her home one winter evening, she was awed by the brilliance of stars twinkling amidst the pit heads of the local treacle mines. To recapture the scene for her family, he erected a tree from pistons and cogs in the main room and added candles to the tiers.
To the Mor Ire Puritans Wizmas was sacred and this new custom of the Wizmas Tree seemed too much like the Tea Trees of old; Wizmas was a time for snow and sobriety, not prancing around the parlour.
Bradley Williford, of the House Of Tea Time Lords, wrote that he “tried hard to stamp out this pagan mockery of the observance of Wiz’s victory, penalizing any frivolity, carol warbling, spoon jousting, feasting and spurtling most severely.”
But the public persisted and in 1846, even Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, were sketched in the Illustrated Lichfield News standing with their extended family around a Wizmas tree, spoons in one hand and oat cakes in the other.
Hm? No I am not giving a history lesson, Max, I am simply…. oh alright then… Max says I should ‘put a cork in it’ and show you some Wizmas trees (you know, for a Very Quiet Gentleman, Max can be extremely dictatorial at times) Well you can see some splendid examples of the sort of thing we’re talking about here…
Moving swiftly on then to some seasonal music to usher in the afternoon…
and because we can’t really ever get enough of this ‘Doctor’ of yours…
We wish you a treemendously splendid afternoon and we will see you on Thursday when we will be All Punked Up With Now Place To Go so until then please be always